A colleague of mine was recently engaged. And the question arose, as it often does: "How are we going to resolve conflict? Who gets the final say? Who has to submit?"
The linguistic structure of Ephesians 5 yields a helpful insight.
Under the overarching missional heartbeat of this passage (v.15-16 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil) is the reality that before we ever get to instructions for husbands, wives, children, slaves and masters, we get another instruction for all that follow:
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
In the Greek it is unmistakable that submission applies to all who follow, because the word "submit" in "Wives, submit to your husbands" is actually absent. In ancient Greek when a verb is missing from a statement, you pull down the previous verb ("Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ"). This is grammatically true for wives, but structurally true for the rest of them as well. The verb 'submit' is intended to be pulled down on not only wives, but also husbands, children, slaves and masters. So you might translate it:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, (submit) to your husbands....
Husbands, (submit and) love your wives...
Children, (submit and) obey your parents...
Slaves, (submit and) obey your masters...
Masters, (submit) to your slaves...
This is the origin of the popular phrase among proponents of egalitarian marriage "mutual submission." Submission, it seems, ought to characterize the relationships between ALL persons in Christ.
Note that wives don't get an EXTRA command with the 'for-everyone' command to submit. Husbands are to love AND submit. Children, to submit AND obey. Slaves to submit AND obey. Notice that wives were not told to 'obey and submit' as the clearly hierarchical relationships of Parents-Children and Masters-Slaves. Obedience is not the meaning of "wives, submit to your husbands."
So who gets the final say? Well, Paul would say "Christ," because ultimate submission is to him.
Who should submit? Wives, definitely wives. And husbands. And children. And slaves. And masters. In short, everyone. Everyone should submit.
Beyond this, a practical solution may be helpful. Lindsay and I practice what a Christian counselor advised: when you face a decision with conflict, each person rates the importance of the decision on a scale of 1-10. If the decision is more important to me, and I feel more passionately - then I make the call. And if Lindsay does, then it's her call. If you're both at a 10 - you need a mediator (or one of you is just being stubborn, acting like its a 10 for you when it's really not).
This works much better than what someone insisted Lindsay and I do. She implored us to follow the biblical way and told Lindsay flatly she must submit to (obey) my decisions. After imparting this wisdom, she went on to tell about the time she submitted to her husband's decision, and how it was "one the dumbest decisions" they'd ever made, with a significant financial downside. And yet, she concluded, "That's the price we pay for doing things God's way."
There is a price to pay in doing things God's way, but I think it is in giving up power, not eschewing the collective wisdom.
How's your submission going?
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Should Wives Submit?
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6 comments:
Andrew and I (Quinn) were talking about this and I'm having a hard time with this part:
"The verb 'submit' intended to be pulled down on not only wives, but also husbands, children, slaves, and masters."
Eph 5:22 reads:
Hai gunaikes tois idiois andrasin ws tw kuriw
When the verb gets pulled down, shouldn't it only be applied to the noun in the nominative case, i.e., the subject?
If we do that, we get "wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."
But since husbands is in the dative, we can't pull the verb down and say "husbands, submit to your wives."
What do you think?
It's a fabulous question and I'm glad you brought it up so I can clarify. I love that it's sparked conversation.
You are right, grammatically speaking "submit" is pulled down only to wives.
But grammar is not everything here - literary structure is. This passage is like a simple outline. Submit to one another is the header, everything that follows includes this, but expands upon it.
The fact that wives pull down submit grammatically but husbands do not is to be expected. I believe it would be highly unusual to gramatically pull down something multiple times over several paragraphs. On the other hand, it is not unusual to pull something down by virtue of the literary structure of the passage.
Bottom line: Paul clearly intends that v21 "Submit to one another" applies to all who follow. The ensuing instructions are expansions upon the nature of this submission.
Also important to note is the company "husbands" are keeping in this household code. Other household codes of this time rarely (if ever?) gave instructions to husbands. Household codes were for those under authority; they were for submitters, not rulers.
Any 1st century 4th grader playing Sesame Street's "Which one of these doesn't belong" would have identified that husbands were out of place in a list like this - a list of those called to submit.
For more on Ephesians 5 see: www.cbeinternational.org/?q=content/ephesians-518-33 and the articles it references.
"Bottom line: Paul clearly intends that v21 'Submit to one another' applies to all who follow."
That's the part I don't get. Why do you think that?
..
I agree, it is good we are having this conversation. Too many people in the church are unwilling to dialogue on things like this.
One of the disciplines we learned in seminary was mapping out sentences in an outline. This was to be informed by the grammar and the literary structure and flow of ideas. When you do this, you see that v21 is the inclusive command for wives, husbands, children and slaves.
I'm not sure which translation you're using, but the NIV's outlining misses the point, while newer translations clearly reflect my understanding. Take a look at the NRSV and TNIV, who both begin the "Instructions for Christian Households" section with v21. [You may know that neither the chapter and verse numerations nor the section headings are in the original manuscripts, and therefore must not be considered 'inspired.' These reflect the work of early (chapter and verse) and contemporary (section headings) scholars. Today's scholars agree that Paul's intent in v21 was for everyone in the Christian household.
I agree that husbands should recognize the value of our wives as helpmeets and humbly consider what they offer, espeially when they strongly disagree with us. But never is a wife held responsible for decisions of the family, only the husband is. Men should no more submit to their brides than Christ submits to his.
Right, I guess that's what I need to research more. When I read the passage, I just don't get what you're getting from it. Since there is some disagreement in the church, we probably ought to disregard both the heading the NIV gives and the heading the NRSV and TNIV give, and do our own exegesis.
I'm not sure I agree that today's scholars agree on that. Maybe most of them do. But I don't think J.I. Packer would, and I think you'd agree he's a scholar.
Anyway, when I read the passage, I get something else from it: namely, that wives should submit to their husbands, and not vice versa. I'm somewhat prepared to argue for that position if you want to continue the discussion, but if you have more to say for your position, I'm happy to hear you first.
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